Low carb pizza base

Impatient? Here’s the TL;DR

• Separate 3 eggs
• Add 1 tsp vinegar to whites
• Beat until stiff/can form peaks
• Add 2 tbsp cream cheese to yolks
• Mix with fork until creamy/pasty
• Tip yolk mix into whites
• Fold through gently with spatula
• Spread on pre-heated oiled pan
• Bake for 3-6 mins on medium
• Cool for a couple mins
• Use as normal pizza base

I’m not usually one to go for recreating modern food addictions, but hell, this is PIZZA we’re talking about here, so if there’s a way I can easily and reliably get a meat and cheese avalanche into me without the hassle and carb-coma of dough then hey.

My previous attempts at a non-plant-based pizza base worked out ok, I used a mince-meat-and-cheese base so whilst fatty and delicious, it’s kinda heavy and oily, and in the end unwieldy to eat by hand so thus not really pizza-esque.

I’d previously heard of this “Oopsie Roll” malarkey which is supposedly a good substitute for burger buns/sandwich bread, apparently someone was making some weird Atkins faux food but messed up, and ended up with the Oopsie roll.

Update

The discoverer of the Oopsie Roll – “Cleochatra” – found me and chimed in:

[quote]Hi! That was me. 😀 I oopsed it up back in the day…

I was making the Atkins Rev Rolls, but I saw something shiny. I have like little to no attention span. I think I was a squirrel in a previous life. Mind yer nuts.
[/quote]

It’s simple enough, just eggs and cream cheese basically, so thought it’d be worth giving it a shot as an uncomplicated pizza base.

Egg n Cheese Pizza Base Ingredients

• 3 eggs
• Splash of vinegar (half a cap)
• Full cream – tablespoon
• Grated cheese – tablespoon

Time for eggpartheid – separate the white from the yolks:

Mix the cream and cheese in with the yolks, just using a fork to smoosh it up until it’s smooth and creamy is fine. The original recipe calls for cream cheese – all I had was cream and cheddar so gave that a shot – worked out alright.

Basically it’s about equal amount of egg yolk to cream/cheese.

Add the vinegar to the egg whites, the original recipe calls for a pinch of cream of tartar, but I managed just fine with apple cider vinegar.

I’m doing it on hard-mode with a manual whisk, they say abs are made in the kitchen – well so are guns, baby.

Now beat the shit outta those egg whites until they’re sorta stiff and foamy and you can form peaks and stuff.

We have the technology, we can rebuild Humpty Dumpty.

Use a spatula and gently fold it all together and make sure it’s mixed well.

Dollop it out onto a pre-heated and oiled pizza tray, I’ve got a stone which is ideal – but a regular pan that’s sufficiently oiled should do fine. FWIW I use ghee – olive oil will work but I don’t like cooking with it, y’know – all those oxidation thingies.

Chuck it in the oven on medium, probaby about 150°C/300°F. I use a wood-fired oven so not a clue what temp.

Leave it about 5 mins, the top is still kinda soft, a bit like a pancake really.

That’s it – you’ve just made an ultra-low-carbohydrate pizza base in just a few minutes. No portioning the right amounts of flour and gooey bits, no kneading and punching and rolling, and no mess that won’t clean up with a  5 second rinse.

Also, it’s incredibly light so won’t give you that weighed down feeling normal dough will, but it’s still strong enough to carry a bunch of ingredients, and it’s pretty much neutral in flavour so it won’t interfere with whatever you want to make out of it.

Let it cool for a couple minutes so the top isn’t too gooey/smooshy, then just use it as you would a regular pizza base – or whatever.

This is designed to be returned to the oven as a pizza/etc, if you want to use it as is – for eg as a wrap or something – then probably bake it for an extra couple minutes until it’s nicely browned.

For an idea of the finished product, here’s a close-up of the crust. It’s not flakey or gooey or crumbly, it’s actually quite light and makes a good vehicle for delivering delicious chunks of meat and cheese.

And the all important bottom – not oily, not too dry and crusty, scorched just nicely, and holds the pizza together perfectly.

Here’s a vid of cutting, deploying, and tasting the goods – you can see the structural integrity and taste the cheese rainbow.